There were two boys called Jack and Devon they were going on a surfing trip they were so existed to go and then there parents come out with there suitcases in the car ready. The the boys went to go say bye not that long into the drive the boys were a bit hungry so they got food and then for the long drive ahead. They were chatting about the excitedly about what amazing holiday there are going to have. Not to long in to the drive the nice clear blue sky became dark sky everyone was thinking what happen to the clear blue sky. All of a sudden crashing in to a line of traffic was a big wave coming towards us. Desperately people races out of there cars running and screaming and panicking. Yet then the saw a man in sky so everyone went back in there cars and then it went back to blue sky's everyone was so happy the boys said the each other the they can still go on there trip still but they were thinking of did it go back to blue sky's then the looked up and the man they saw was gone The end.
Mōrena Selena,
ReplyDeleteGreat work on your short story. I like the way you described the wave scene, very scary! Remember to read through your story and add punctuation, such as more commas and full stops. This will help break up some of those bigger sentences.
Miss Ribotton
Awhi Token
Hi Selena. I enjoyed reading your short story. You have put a lot of thought into what you think is happening in the picture. Reading back your story after you have written it, will help you to see where you can add punctuation, which will make it easier for the reader to read. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteCarol
Awesome work Selena! I really liked your story especially the way you described what was happening. I could picture what was happening and was excited to see what happened in the end. Remember to read back your work to check all of your sentences sound right. Keep up the great work. Mrs Feather
ReplyDeleteHello Selena,
ReplyDeleteWow you did an amazing job, I love how you described your picture and added lots of detail to your story. Maybe next time you could check your spelling and make sure some of your sentences make sense. I could really imagine what was going on in my head. Other wise you did a great job.
- Mayci
Hello Selena!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a great story. I see that you have put a lot of effort into it!
Maybe, next time you could check the story before posting it?
There are quite a few grammatical errors.
Otherwise, the story is amazing!
Keep up the great work!
-Sofiya :D